Christmas time and New Year’s time are truly holidays for me. It is the moment of the year where I don’t think about work, movies, writing or anything else but only to spend time with my wife and family.
This year particularly I must admit I totally switched off this little internal “scout” that always takes pictures – as a location could be used for a movie – , writes down thoughts and situations – that might turn into a nice scenario – , and keeps observing the universe around – ready to capture what will be the next documentary.
I even told someone, who asked me if sometimes I had those working days where you just want to be sick to not go, those days when you don’t like your job…well if such could happen to someone who does his passion every day, in comparison to the average office employee…. I said yes. When it becomes a job and isn’t a hobby any longer, some days are a real pain. It is just a job like another.
I know that some people might find that my words are blasphemous and that there’s no boredom or routine in any artistic activity. Well… good for them , probably more idealistic than me, maybe less pragmatic, maybe just different ?
Being in that mood, I just read the following
where the writer asks himself which side to choose. Question that every artists probably asks himself once in his life. A famous movie director, Cameron Crowe, said once :
” In the future, everybody is going to be a director. Somebody’s got to live a real life so we have something to make a movie about”.
Interestingly enough as Cameron initially started as a writer.
I started as a painter. And during my high school times I was sure to become a painter. The first doubts arrived when I had to repeat a year, missing my promotion..and it opened me to literature. Actually a teacher and the fact of repeating the yearly program in every branch pushed me to read. I kept a book hidden on my knees during every lesson. I had to fill the time. Like in prison, with new inmates I wasn’t sure I wanted to truly know. When I think about it I realized I missed something there, maybe friendship or a nicer relationship with them. However reading and for first time being pushed to write gave me the passion for literature and storytelling. I must say before I used to paint to express my feelings or copy the reality. With a friend we were spending hours in the fields , in the forest, in the nature , just drawing. Making our lessons. He’s a great and talented painter now.
Literature became even stronger the day we read Ramuz. Not because of his writings, but because of some of his quotes. We had to work by pairs, and our pal had to pick a quote from the author that would define us. We would keep this line on our desk for the year.The one I was given was :
“I am a painter but I write ; I am wrong”
How true was it..and somehow still is. I didn’t become this great painter I thought, instead I am a simple movie maker – for now -, trying to tell stories about some people to other ones, the most important being the creation of a bond. Respect and dedication on both sides. Highly demanding but extremely rewarding.
So at the very end…am I a painter ? a writer ? a movie director ? Am I making art or living the life ?
All of it actually, and this is where I find my freedom and balance. No label, no category. Not on the observers seat only neither on the actors one . Always where I am not expected and for sure not on the experts side. Trying my best to be in line with my beliefs. Probably I won’t make it as successfully as the most dedicated ones, but it isn’t my goal….anymore.
Merry late Christmas and a happy New Year to everyone !
Some days are stranger than others. As I was getting ready and looking forward to the next shooting days, my health told me “you have to postpone those days for later…”.
I must say it brings me a bit down….because I really enjoy this project !
I like it because it forces me to reconsider myself, my beliefs and certainties. I enjoy it as well because of the great energy brought by all the participants (actors, inhabitants, authorities, pets, sound designers, editors, etc…). This makes the outcome even more interesting as I can’t believe, unless I am totally blind, that the movie that will be created out of all this cannot be touching.
As the snow falls down outside, I ask myself if it is naive ? Am I naive ?
When I started what I can define as my first professional career – actually my first job, all I had in mind was to be the best, to establish my situation, to reach a well deserve management position, well to be the number one so …well so what ? so everybody would be proud of me, and I could show I had all the attributes of a happy successful man.
I must say I am part of that generation whose parents asked them to reach a better life level ; become a doctor, a lawyer or get any important role in the society. Be better than us son. A great advice, but for parents born right after the war, the model of success isn’t what today’s parents teach and hope for the Y or Z generations. At least I hope.
Was then my behaviour naive as well ?
When I left the straight path to a future senior management, which was the logical next step, I followed a decision – hardly followed actually – that I had made 10 years before. Moving from the so close recognized success to climb another ladder.
I embraced the change not knowing how much it would affect my entire life.
I started the Art University on the late, with the idea I would build my network and get successful soon as well. Making movies, working in that industry and there as well getting rewarded with all the panoply of the leader.
Naivety again ?
Or just trying to find a mirror ? But as such doesn’t exist, you go on as long as you can continue to tailor your costume, and sometimes, maybe too late, you find that mirror, on a hard time, tough life experience, and you look at yourself and realize you like the concept of what your role became, sometimes as ridiculous as those old generals that don’t have anymore space on their chest for new medals.
Actually I think I want to remain a bit naive. I want to believe the unexpected cannot be bad. I want to believe life is not to get trapped in a box and that this is the only way for blossoming. I naively believe as well that blossoming doesn’t always have to do with happiness or with a pre-baked model.
The pursuit of the unexpected can’t be done if you aren’t naive.
Being naive is being able to believe. And being able to believe is getting vulnerable.
And getting vulnerable, is feeling the different moments of our lives…which to me is one of the biggest strength you can have…
So now, the only thing I dream of, is to go outside,…and build a snowman…in a couple of days…once I’d feel better.
And no matter if the weather forecast is rain…